Back Then

I am the last remaining Jew in my crazy NY family. This is my joke but everyone else in my lineage has denied their heritage, assimilated and changed their name. Luckily nobody got nose jobs, just botox! I seem to get more Jewish every day even though I am quite ignorant. I don't read Hebrew I never learned the Torah. I have been inside a temple less than five times in my life. My tongue is Jewish. I crave cabbage, borscht, potato knishes, kasha, onions, yogurt, tsimmes; brisket roasted with prunes and carrots, roast chicken, honey cake and seltzer; the Jewish champagne. My ears are Jewish. I love klezmer music! My toes are Jewish, I wear sensible shoes. My grandparents would be laughing now. Don't forget the books grandpa would add if he were listening. A full belly and a good book is all I need he'd say. He read National Geographic, the dictionary, Isaac Asimov and Gray's Anatomy when he wasn't sunbathing indoors in a rectangle of sun, or playing miniature golf on the green carpet, or looking at the bathing beauties on Brighton Beach through binoculars. Yes, it's true! He had a perfect view from the top floor of his apartment building. I even have vintage Kodachrome slides of grandpa posing with topless women on the beach. I guess that was a thing back then.