Give Freely from the Right Place

When I was a kid all we ever heard was my mother complaining about money. I started saving my 60 cent allowance in plastic sandwich bags in my closet. I thought that at any minute we'd be out on the street. I wanted to be prepared. I had bags of nickles and pennies stockpiled.

When visiting my grandma Sophie in Brooklyn, she wanted to give me three dollars to spend when we went to Woolworth's. I told her "No Grandma, keep it, you need the money." I was six. I was an emotional sponge soaking up my parents infinite worries. When I was given a gift of money for my birthday from Aunts and Uncles I was not allowed to touch it. I was told to put it in a savings account. Then I was coerced by my mother to spend it on my parents birthday gifts. I was a wreck.

Money and gifts were not freely given. I now know those were not gifts. They were deals. Every meal was a deal. Eventually I stopped eating and collecting frying pans at flea markets, preparing to run away.
A real gift is given without any hooks or daggers or expectations.

I love to give people my freshly baked bread but I cannot do it unless I can completely let go! It has to be coming from an overflowing- abundance-of-love place within me.

I came from an advertising family where my step-father's clients came over on weekends and holidays and every day for them had a NYC midtown business lunch. I am convinced our parents had no idea that we were not their clients.

I ask myself can you give freely or is there a catch? If you have an agenda STOP. It has to be sheer love and joy like letting a red helium balloon float into a blue sky.